On Forgiveness

So this past Thursday, I attended my friend Ben's Evensong (essentially a half hour or so of candles, incense, a few readings, and a reflection). Ben chose a reading about forgiveness and spoke about how we can at least try to forgive those who have hurt us. Now, I may not be the best person to talk about forgiveness. Or maybe I just understand that I'm very awkward and nervous around situations regarding problems or fights or moving ons.

Whatever the case, the reading told a story where one person immediately forgave the other. No grudges. No cold shoulder. No nothing. Just forgiveness. Ben admitted that we can never do something like that. We may actually not be ever able to forgive. But he urged us to think about why we aren't ready to forgive. I honestly think that immediate forgiveness shows that the hurt is acceptable. It's not. Saying something is okay allows for it to happen again. However, you can't hold on to things forever. It holds you down.

Ben told us a little parable that his mom used to tell him. Imagine being underwater, unable to breathe. There's a weight holding you under--it's not forgiving. Once you forgive, once you give up that heavy burden, you're free to breathe and live again. Not forgiving holds you back.

There's also something to be said about forgiving yourself. Everyone makes mistakes. That high standard you put in place for yourself? It's not good. It's not good to hold on to your past errors. That tight hold doesn't allow you to grow or to improve if you are constantly thinking about what happened yesterday, a month ago, a year ago.

But--being hurt and having to forgive means that you were vulnerable. You put yourself out there and it didn't turn out the way you necessarily wanted. Being a rock can save you from being hurt but it causes you not to live. Simon and Garfunkel even say so: